TBS Newsbot

While You Were Asleep: Iran Loses Plot, Pence Burned by the Rainbow, Celebs Who Lost Each Other in 2017

The last one. Thank whoever above. But, before we depart, the people of Iran, Hollywood, and Mike Pence’s security detail have a few words.

 

Iran looks to start the new year right, tears down the past.

Oh, Iran. You surely know how to breathe life into the tired, long departed corpse of new year/new me. Overnight, they’ve decided that they’re no longer that keen on dating their Supreme Leader, taking to the cobblestone of Tehran to summarily get real.

The itchy civilians of Iran tore down every effigy of their leader to eke out revenge for being metaphorically left shivering after the storied nuclear deal with the U.S. As you can see below, everything was torched, inclusive of the symbolic coffee tables of Khomeini, where it was decreed that every Iranian household must have a table carved in the image of the Ayatollah in their living rooms. Refusing this would see them placed on a spam mailing list. Citation needed.

Brevity aside, things are bad. Alongside the barbed words thrown at the police, the standing government banning all public gatherings. Which, despite it being quite disconcerting for your average Iranian (or empath), it certainly rings the bell of irony.

 

 

You see, back in the halcyon days of the Shah, and his insistence to hook the U.S. up with oil, Khomeini was on the said of the popular complainants, eventually overthrowing the puppet government and claiming it as their own. Wind the clock forward to 2017 and the Ayatollah has gone the full Harvey Dent. He’s lived long enough a hero to see himself a villain.

Except he’s dead.

 

Neighbors sledge Mike Pence with a rainbow banner, Pence’s employees get chili.

I often wonder what it would be like living next to an elected (and castigated) politician. On one hand, I’d assume that you’d never see them, but I’d also imagine that you’d periodically cross paths with them as you both trundle out the trash. Example: If you average middle lefty would endure living next door to Peter (Peter? Who the fork is Peter?), would they make their complaints obvious, or would they continue to be neighborly?

I’m unsure. I’d probably make nice small talk and lie to my people about it afterwards. But, I’m barely a vertebrate.

Anyhoo, this fantasy tableau lives in the Coloradoan town of Aspen, as one American who lived next door to VP Mike Pence made their feelings known, through the obvious power of the rainbow.

 

 

What a fantastic place. Where men with guns are awarded spicy food from Mexico. I’d push it further and state that it could be the crucible for a better America, but they almost elected Hunter S. Thompson as sheriff. So, nah.

 

 

Celebrities notably break up in 2017, writer longs for collective shoulder pat.

Celebrities, they say, are very much like us. Except they have to now yell at a piece of green felt for 18 hours a day. Beyond that, they’re pretty much the same. They attempt to shoehorn their quirky work interests into unrelated conversations and their relationships end. As they do for everyone. Especially when you fall in love with someone who doesn’t love themselves deep down, but covers that in an outer layer of narcissism, leaving no room for you. Even if you did try ever so hard, and that’s why I said those stupid things on the train that time. Because I need you to notice me for once. Even if it’s already too late, Clare.

What? Oh yeah, celebs. They break up too. Which, for some reason is a borderline tragedy. Despite the fact that we don’t know these people, bar what they put up on the screen. Which, as we should all be aware, is not real. So, in the grandest Academy fashion, where doleful strings play over the top of names we recognize but don’t know, here are some relationships that didn’t make it out of 2017 alive.

 

 

 

 

As for E! News’ hyperbole, wondering if love still even exists n. e. more, well, yes, of course, it does. It lives, it breathes, and it bleeds, but we cannot kill it.

 

 

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