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Study Finds Trump’s Vocabulary the Same as a Nine-Year-Old

After a recent U.S. study discovered that Donald Trump’s vocabulary is the worst in Presidential history, we’re wondering if there is a silver lining. Probably not.


Do you sound smarter than a fourth grader? The answer is probably yes. But if you happen to be Trump in the White House, the answer is a tower of play blocks aggressively cast across the room. Or, put simply, no. The extremely smarty-pants and know-it-all minds at Factbase has measured the average age of every U.S. President’s vocabulary and, Donny, I’m sorry, I’m going to have to call your mother.



Fortunately, he’s in good company. If he’s serious about loosing nukes on mainland Asia, he’s in company with his nuclear bezzie bestie Harry Truman just next door, and probably heaps allow to stay over. Naw. Fwends.

But, let’s not immediately castigate the findings of the above graph or use it to add another insulting string to the bow pulled against Donald’s face. Racist, fascist, speciesist, nepotist, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Or, sure, you can. But, considering politics is nothing but a popularity contest, you should add some salt to your shade, as it behooves any prospective POTUS to sound accessible, to possess the same buzz of the drones. A true man of the people was FDR, who carried the air of the paternal figure that’d bail you out of trouble, produce money from behind your ear, and who’d use baseball metaphors to explain the big issues. Everyone’s fave, Barack O-bae-ma scored highly on the chart, as did the great orators that came before him, Messrs. Kennedy, Nixon, and Carter. However, it must be said, and this particularly is true in Barack’s case, perhaps sounding too smart might have loosed the reverse on the populace.

Speaking of the reverse, the bean counters discovered that the Donald used the fewest unique words within the first 30,000 that passed his lips. Conversely, Obama was the most verbose. Good for him.

However, a rather rigid piece of irony is present. While Obama spoke the most well, the complex words that were written because of him would have been far less. He spoke for us, so we didn’t have to. All we did was clap like seals, hoping to be rewarded with the chum of Barack’s verbose empathy. Ooh, look. He’s dropping a microphone. With Donald, consider the reverse rather interesting. You see, he doesn’t speak for us, so, the dusty synapses in our brains have fired back to life.

The results are obvious, as the inspiration that he’s served, and indeed the rainbow of colorful language he’s inspired has been scribed by journalists, keyboard warriors, and writers alike the world over, all in an effort to one-up each other to define the man, possess the hottest of takes, and bring down the beast by the death of a quintillion paper cuts.

Yes, he might be comparatively stupid, but he’s made the rest of us smart.

So … who’s the real bad guy here?




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