Christine Rice

A Series of Memos from Midwest College regarding Sexual Misconduct

Here are a series of leaked memos detailing how one college is navigating sexual harassment and misbehavior among faculty members and their students. 

 

January 2, 2018

Part-time Faculty,

Because of your beastly behavior and current accusations made by multiple members of our student body, I am saddened to announce that Midwest College’s “Turn a Blind Eye” to sexual harassment policy, or TABE, a policy that has served us steadfastly for decades, will no longer apply to part-time faculty.

Part-time faculty should not, in the words of our sexual harassment consultant, use the student body as their personal dating pool. There is, she informed me, “A whole world of people outside Midwest College’s hallowed halls for you to harass.”

It is unclear whether this policy shift applies to our esteemed and valued full-time faculty, visiting professors, and staff.

ALSO: Please stop complaining about the broken refrigerator, exposed asbestos insulation, and black mold in the part-time faculty lounge (if you don’t like it, find another job).

Peter Honeycut, PhD, Interim Associate Dean of Student Affairs

 

January 3, 2018

Dear Esteemed Full-time Colleagues,

It is with deep regret that I must inform you of a revision to the “Turn a Blind Eye” (TABE) policy: TABE does indeed apply to full-time faculty, visiting professors, and staff.

It is unclear at this time if it applies to both heterosexual and homosexual relations between faculty and students.

Please make a note of it.

All my admiration for your outstanding work with students,

Peter Honeycut, PhD, Interim Associate Dean of Student Affairs

 

January 12, 2018

Dear Valued Full-time Colleagues,

It is with a heavy heart that I have been instructed to inform you that changes to the “Turn a Blind Eye” (TABE) policy applies to “heterosexual and homosexual” predatory behavior by professors, staff, and part-time faculty toward members of our student body.

Apparently, they’re telling me that making sexual advances toward a member of Midwest College’s student body, while not criminal (if they are over 18), indicates a severe lack of moral judgement.

It is unclear at this time whether this policy applies to both single and married full-time faculty, visiting professors, and staff.

Sincerely and with great regards for you, our revered full-time faculty,

Peter Honeycut, PhD, Interim Associate Dean of Student Affairs

 

January 15, 2018

Dear Full-time Colleagues,

The “Turn A Blind Eye” policy has been replaced by the “Don’t Prey On The Student Body” (DPOTSB) policy. DPOTSB policy can be found on page 896 of the Professional Conduct Handbook, section 29, amendment 673.

In a nutshell, DPOTSB outlines our new policy of “refraining from sexual harassment by members of faculty or staff toward paying members of the student body.”

At this time, it is unclear whether this policy protects students who receive financial aid.

CLARIFICATION: DPOTSB does, in fact, apply to both single and married full-time faculty, staff, and part-time faculty.

It is unclear, at this time, if this policy applies to the Administration.

With my utmost adoration and affection,

Peter Honeycut, PhD, Interim Associate Dean of Student Affairs

 

January 18, 2018

Esteemed Full-time Colleagues,

I am perturbed at the fact that I must inform you that the “Don’t Prey On The Student Body” (DPOTSB) policy does, indeed, apply to members of the Administration (including interim appointments).

Students who receive financial aid are also off limits. Please refrain from harassing them.

Sincerely,

Peter Honeycut, PhD, Interim Associate Dean of Student Affairs

 

January 19, 2018

Friends,

From a bottomless well of existentially deep sorrow, I find myself in the position to inform you of Peter Honeycut, PhD’s resignation. He has left Midwest College to spend more time with his long-suffering wife, Evelyn, and their six grandchildren. Peter has informed me that he’ll also put in a vegetable garden in the spring.

All my regards,

Janice Johnson, MFA, MA, BAcc, BAcy, Acting Interim Associate Dean of Student Affairs

 

Christine Rice

Christine Rice is the author of Swarm Theory, published by University of Hell Press. Her stories have been published in Roanoke College's Roanoke Review, American University of Beirut’s “Rusted Radishes,” Farleigh Dickinson University’s The Literary Review, and online at Bird’s Thumb. Her writing has appeared in The Millions, Chicago Tribune, Detroit’s Metro Times, The Good Men Project, The Urbaness.com, CellStories.net, F Magazine, and her radio essays have been produced by WBEZ Chicago. Christine is the managing editor of Hypertext Magazine and the director of Hypertext Studio Writing Center. She has been an adjunct professor since 1992 and was recently awarded the 2015 Ragdale Rubin Fellowship.

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