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Quitting Facebook Is Bad for Your Health: Study

Consider everyone riding the #DeleteFacebook bandwagon in ill health, as one study believes we need Facebook for our well-being.

 

All the cool kids are doing it. They’ve decided to pelt rocks at Old Man Zuckerberg’s complicated abode, all resolutely deciding to never speak to him again and cut him entirely out of their lives. It’s cool to #DeleteFacebook, dude.

Well, before you do, know that you shouldn’t. Because, and I hate to say this, you’re an addict. It’s fine, I am too, but cold turkey is not the answer.

The Journal of Social Psychology published a study exploring the relationship between Facebook and stress. Using 138 active Facebook addicts as their subjects, researchers from the University of Queensland (Aussie, Aussie, Aussie) found that taking a break from the platform lowered levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

So great, right? Less Facey, Less stressy?

Well, no. According to the finer print of the study, lead researcher Eric Vanman said: “While participants in our study showed an improvement in physiological stress by giving up Facebook, they also reported lower feelings of well-being. People said they felt more unsatisfied with their life and were looking forward to resuming their Facebook activity.”

 

 

Now, you don’t need no high-falootin’ Queensland science degree to tell you the obvious. Facebook needs us as much as we need it. It’s a lumbering, pushy, bloated whale that feeds on the plankton of our metadata but turns that into sweet incremental bursts of self-worth. That giddy kick one feels when one is deemed worthy by the thumbs of their contemporaries is hard to replace. Real life doesn’t have that. No one in the real world cares about nor wants to reward you for your pedestrian un-accomplishments.

Sorry, but a divorce is off the table. Facebook represents the bomb we ride into the depths of social destruction. Best you enjoy it.

 

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