Friday. What happened while you were asleep? Air China went full racist, Ryan Lochte was slapped with an inhuman ban, and a British woman grew a beard for awareness.
Rodrigo Duterte went the full Eminem, science discovered a sixth sense, and Michael Jackson returned from the grave (again).
Trump traveled to Mexico, stupidity reigned supreme in soccer, and the Internet obviously named a gorilla.
We saw the forced migration of 25,000 Australian commuters, Apple ditched the home button, and the greatest limp effort of democracy since the last one.
Ooooh. It’s Thursday! What happened while you were asleep? An Earthquake ruined Italy, an Earth-like planet was discovered, and Jarryd Hayne came out—as Jesus.
Friday. Yay! Ryan Lochte’s robbery got stranger, Trump’s veiny erection was sighted, and a Sumatran orangutan went all Miles Davis.
I Saw the News Today: The funding for the Paralympics was spent on renovations, China confused us all, and the Depp/Heard divorce was finalized.
In Australia, the greyhound ban awkwardly passed, Trump sort of maybe called for Hillary’s assassination, and cynical news from Rio.
CopperCab, made famous by the video “Gingers Do Have Souls” has come out as transgender via a YouTube clip. The internet has since responded. Dearie me.
Being out of bed sucks. What happened today? Well, Kanye teamed up with IKEA, Obama asked Republicans to not back Trump, and the UN is looking into Australian prisoner abuse.