Kate Turner is back from her weekly dip into the shallow end of the Reddit cultural pool, bringing back life-coaching from a sloth and a ginger breaking the law.
In this week’s Blurst of Reddit, I have discovered the most random wtf shiz that I’ve ever had the unfortunate honor of stumbling over. So I’m going to share it with you all in hopes of leaving you feeling more mentally put together …compared to the below people/memes.
Yep, you read right. A dog (in a little suit, mind you) goes ahead and milks a goat, who in my opinion looks pretty into it! I don’t know how, when, where, or why. (Like … seriously, why?)
It’s worth the watch and will most definitely leave you with a “Huh?” expression that will last for much longer than the five-second clip. I’ve watched it a dozen times and I’m still confused!
The Thug Life
Rules are for fools, yo! We live in a world bound by them. Examples: “Katie, don’t cross the road without looking both ways,” “Katie, drive safely,” “Katie, lock your doors at night,” and “Katie, don’t travel with a stranger who owns a white van.”
Rules are for the straight-laced nerds. Okay, they may help keep you safe and/or alive, yes, but true thugs aren’t made. Thugs are born thuggin’ right out from the womb! Like this redheaded rebel in the biblical sense. Watch this and tell me you don’t wanna yell “F@#k the police!” to the sky. No offense to any police; we thank you for your service to help keep our communities safe … but still.
Kid Nails Phil Collins’ In the Air Tonight Drum Solo
It actually took me most of the video to realize that some genius popped Phil Collins’ gold drum solo over the top of this clip (unless it’s now a church hymn). This kid absolutely nails it.
And s/he has more hair than Phil. All hail!
McScuse Me, B!tch, But F*#k You, McDonald’s on Dorsett
That’s probably the best McInsult I’ve ever heard.
Righty-roo, here are some rules in order to make it out alive if you ever meet Carla:
Number One: Don’t fuck with her or her McRib!
Number Two: Don’t even think about holding her back from her extra one-dollar McRib for getting the McRib Meal!
Otherwise, expect to get shown what a woman (with hair that I’m pretty sure is a wig or, at least, hair that’s been styled to look like a dead toupee) can threaten to do to you. She’s pretty awe-inspiring actually.
Anyway, she ain’t taking shit from no McDonald’s on Dorsett, in Maryland Heights. The rest of y’all are fine.
The Sims Sweatshop
The infamous, but fairly harmless life-simulating computer game The Sims has taken a turn for the macabre, with one Reddit user turning his house into a working sweatshop. The user, “Hell,” outlines its features in a series of harrowing screenshots. I know what you’re thinking: “Who cares? It’s not real.” But peep this, homies, you learn by doing.
Yeah. Hopefully, this ribald wasted weekend doesn’t show up as evidence in a trial one day.
Some crackers lie within. Except for the woman marrying the man who has an owl for a head. That’s entirely legit. Love has no borders, haters.
Look at This Church. It’s Looking at You. Look at It!
It actually looks like the face that you give the boss behind their back when they force you into doing something.
A Sloth’s Words of Wisdom
Lastly in this very insightful Reddits of the week, I’ll leave you all with some words of wisdom from the almighty majestic sloth. Wisdom sloth provides wise sayings I’m sure you will think about for the rest of your life. Or not, I honestly don’t care. [Should have called it “Slothdom” – Ed.]