Jeff Reese takes a look at recent events regarding Mike Faverman and has a message for men like him.
The above Facebook Messenger exchange has been making the rounds the past few days. A barely working “comedian” named Mike Faverman asked a woman out via Facebook Messenger, not something I’d recommend and generally kind of creepy but not a huge social error. One can imagine him sitting on a stained couch somewhere in The Valley contemplating the best way to approach this poor girl and the most charming and funny thing he could come up with was “Drinks?” followed by “When am I taking you to dinner?” I’m sure in his head it was just the right amount of cool and aloofness to make any pick-up artist in a stupid hat proud.
Her response? “I’m sorry if [I] gave you the impression I wanted to date you by becoming your FB friend.. That wasn’t my intention”. A bit snarky, but completely understandable. You see, guys, pretty much every girl you know has this exact scenario happen to them … often. Somehow accepting an invitation to be friends qualifies as the first step down the path to “poundtown” for quite a few of our fellow males and it’s completely mind-boggling when it doesn’t work out that way. We need to let people like Faverman understand that not everyone who says hi to him is doing so out of some kind of deep-seated feeling that they want him. But … this is all still salvageable at this point. A simple “Oh sorry, well see you around” and this exchange ends with only a bit of awkwardness and both parties move on with life and soon forget it ever happened.
I count quite a few comics among my friends. Most all of them (especially the successful ones and the ones that will be successful) either don’t possess the level of insecurity that Faverman shows in his response or hide it much better. As human beings, we all have insecurities and rejection hurts. Good parenting usually helps people learn that both can be overcome. It’s apparent that Mike’s parents dropped the ball. Instead of letting this minor rejection roll off his back (I’ve been rejected countless times, suck it up … it doesn’t kill you), he lashes out at her with a lifetime of rejection and entitlement behind it and wraps it up with a huge helping of sour grapes.
Normally, this wouldn’t motivate me to sit at a keyboard and opine on one comedian’s “game,” but since this has gone public Faverman has claimed he’s the victim in this exchange and scrolling through his Twitter feed he’s pretty consistently an asshole, especially towards women. It’s such a pervasive issue in society that it needs to be addressed. Men, you’re not entitled to attention from anyone except maybe your parents. Stop acting like slighted toddlers and grow up.
Yes, rejection sucks … it’s a very human feeling that we all must overcome. Lashing out isn’t the way to cope. A life of bitterness and anger isn’t much of a life at all. It’s also best to remember that if you’re going to be a complete asshat there are much broader repercussions than ever existed before. I’m not recommending you censor yourself in your art or expression … but when you’re interacting with someone online, it’s good to remember that there’s a human being on the other side. One that you may hurt to the point where they decide to fight back and it may not end so well for you.
Mr. Faverman, I truly hope a lesson is learned from this experience. One of humility and kindness. A lesson that you’re not entitled to anything, but you are worthy of love. Try being sweet for a bit, it really makes life much nicer day to day and it could open up new career opportunities and material (no one really wants to work with a miserable prick every day).