TBS Newsbot

I Saw the News Today: Violence in Florida, Mass Attack in Japan, and the iPhone 7

Violence returned to a Floridian nightspot, a mass attack occurred in Japan, and we know the release date for the iPhone 7.


Gun Violence Returns to Floridian Nightclub, Two Confirmed Dead

Once more, we bring ourselves to our feet to stand with Florida, for once again an evening of revelry under disco light has ended in tragedy. Club Blu, in Fort Myers, FL holding a “teen night” was the scene, and the bitter results of the actions of one, are two slain.

The attack was explained thusly:

While we may take solace in knowing that in the wider scheme of the things the motivator may be different, the application and effects of the violence are not.

One of the two slain was Stef’an Strawder, 18, a rising basketball talent, and as we learn through the awful lessons of life, the largest tragedy is talent not fulfilled.


iPhone 7 Launch Date Confirmed, Radicals Circle Calendar, Pack Gear

No, not those radicals. These ones. The iPhone 7 is almost upon us (and for those playing at home, the actual date is the week of September 12th or September 16th), which for a wide cross section of gormless, albeit well-meaning fools, is indeed all.

As I’ve only recently bought my first iPhone (the others I scored through pity from my friends don’t count), I a) don’t get it, braving the cold streets of a bloodless city when you have a bed to return to and b) I’m also pissed off, as I got my 6S as recently as June.

Anyway, here’s what you’re set to receive, if you defeat the elements.

Mass Killing via Knife in Japan, 19 Dead, 43 Wounded.

What the fork is going on, world. Enough already. This morning’s news is so horrible that I’m going back to bed after I type this.

The perpetrator, apparently an ex-employee of the care facility in Sagamihara (west of Tokyo), re-entered the building to enact such viciousness on the disabled patients of the facility. He later turned himself into police.


Be safe, yeah?




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