Paris Portingale

Talks with Famous People from History, Part Six: The Wright Brothers

Paris Portingale continues his talks with famous people from history: Paris meets The Wright Brothers and they get pissed (read: pissed drunk).


Me: “So, there’s two of you then?”

Wright Brother: “Yes, we’re brothers.”

Me: “Which one’s which? It’s kind of hard to tell.”

Orville: “I’m Orville.”

Me: “So, you’re Wilbur then.”

Wilbur: “Yes, Wilbur.”

Me: “Okay, I’ve got it. You’re Wilbur and you’re Orville.”

We move across the shed to the aeroplane.

Me: “Alright, I’ll start with you, Wilbur.”

Wright Brother: “I’m Orville.”

Me: “Sorry, you changed positions. I believe you’ve made improvements to the engine.”

One of the brothers: “Yes, we’ve modified the carburetor.”

We move to the other side of the plane to see the modified carburetor.

Me: “So, Wilbur, what have you done to the carburetor exactly?”

Wright Brother: “I’m Orville.”

Me: Sorry, you changed positions again. I might just pin notes to your jumpers.”

I pin notes to their jumpers and they show me the extra screw they’ve put on the side of the carburetor. After that they take me for a ride in their aeroplane and I throw up over Wilbur, or possibly Orville, I can’t tell which because I can’t see their jumpers.

After that, we get very drunk and I throw up over both of them. It obscures the notes on their jumpers and once again I can’t tell who is who.

Later, it’s time to leave and I tell the brothers I’m going to France to interview Honore Balzac. Being still drunk, I call him “ball sack” and the brothers laugh and we have another round of drinks and they kindly offer to fly me to France in their aeroplane.

Somewhere over the English Channel I throw up again and then once more coming into land. By this time I’m well covered in vomit and smell rather off and the great pioneers of aviation history wave goodbye, happy to be rid of me.



Paris Portingale

Paris Portingale is a writer and dog owner. While having a somewhat indifferent attitude towards abstemious self-restraint, he does follow the safe guidelines of four standard drinks a day, although his standards are a great deal higher than most, certainly the medical profession’s. Paris is visited often in the night by God, and the meetings are anything but pleasant.

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