TBS Newsbot

I Saw the News Today: NY Bomber’s Dad Calls FBI, Brangelina over, Trump Jr. Tastes Rainbow

Good Hump Day to you. The NY bomber’s dad dimed on his son, Brangelina split (Brexit II), and Trump Jr. was skittled for his Skittles comment.


Rahami’s Dad Spoke to FBI in 2014 to Find Son Not a Terrorist, Son Now Terrorist

The father of Ahmad Khan Rahami, suspected architect of blowing up a series of pressure cookers and bins across New York and New Jersey, dimed on his son back in 2014, telling the 5-0 that he was indeed a terrorist. Which is all well and dandy and, if convicted, surely would be a motive for bullying in whatever caged hole he lands in. Anyway, as most things in life are colored with a shade of grey, Rahami Sr. told The New York Times:

“Two years ago I go to the FBI because my was doing really bad, OK? But they check almost two months, they say, ‘He’s OK, he’s clean, he’s not a terrorist,’ I say ‘OK’,” later adding, “Now they say he is a terrorist. I say ‘OK’.”


Brangelina (a.k.a., the Other Brexit) Now Curtains, Speculation Abounds Anew

Brangelina. The nonsensical amalgamation that kept two of Hollyweird’s biggest stars is now no longer. Sunrise, sunset.

Angelina filed the papers, citing the reason being to protect her family. She then asked people not to talk to her family, because the divorce. As you would imagine, the Interwebs has gone two pieces of fruitcake crazy, and because people can’t let go of the 1990s for some reason (it was 20 years ago for fucksake), this is the general vibe of the discourse on the web this morning:


But what of the couple? What memories do they hold? And how do they go on, walking through the minefield of unfamiliar territory? Well, dingus. It’s already happened, yeah? Pick up a book.

I’m sorry. It’s early.


Donald Trump Jr. Tastes the Rainbow of Internet Criticism after Skittles Comment

Welllllll. In your standard Trumpian fare, one of the family has made a ludicrous comment and everyone else has lost their minds. Comfort in continuity is a wonderful thing. The Trump who made the verbal blunder this time was Junior, who captioned an image of a bowl of Skittles: “If I had a bowl of skittles and I told you just three would kill you. Would you take a handful? That’s our Syrian refugee problem.”

In response, the Internet went to five-alarm insanity, reporting that not only was the comment off (it was) but that the person who took the image was in fact, a refugee. Now, Lettuce B. Honest here, why does that exactly matter? Well, because:

The issue, as Skittles pointed out in their response to the shortest of all the Trump Towers, is this:

And then it all went cyncially, long bow drawn tits-upwards:

Does anyone else think that our children (or grandchildren) will query us one day, sitting on our knees, asking us to tell them about 2016, a.k.a., the year that went funny in the head?

Oh, and Happy International Day of Peace to everybody.

Kiss, kiss, hug.

Hat, bag.




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