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I Saw the News Today: Em Watson Speaks, NK Websites Leaked, Spotify/Tinder Merger

Emma Watson spoke eloquently at the UN, North Korea became less mysterious, and your sexual prowling received a soundtrack. Huzzah.


NK Website List Leaked, 28 in Number

North Korea is the dorky kid in the playground of geopolitics. You know the type. The one that goes home for lunch and wears a bastardized version of the required uniform. Point and laugh, yes please. Your dad has stupid hair! Anyway, good news, bullies, for we have yet more information with which to … bully(?) them. Now the reason I feel all comfy cosers about mocking NK and their insistence on militarism and the olive drab is that, according to a leak, North Korea has only 28 websites, and unfortunately we are not one of them.

However, with the proliferation of rubbish websites everywhere else (I’m looking at you, websites that promise transformative financial advice, espoused by a single parent in my suburb, plus breasts), this might tempt me all the way to giving it a red-hot lash!

… Incidentally, I had to word that sentence vaguely, as I’m unsure that the renouncing of your citizenship, even as a joke, is still not treason. I love you, Australia.


Emma Watson Speaks Eloquently to the UN on Gender Inequality, Twitter Focuses on the Faccia

Emma Watson brought her velvet elocution to the floor of the United Nations representing the movement HeForShe, speaking on the importance of reversing gender inequality on campus, explaining the importance of securing a place for women and minorities, to embolden the education of those who will be shaping tomorrow.

Towering, lofty words indeed.


Tinder/Spotify Merge to Recreate Experience of Skeezy People Hitting on You at the Club

Awesome, and also, finally! For those introverts who shy away from the club, but still wish to meet people in that rolling, turgid sweat-sex fest, then this business merger is for you. The two giants of sensory time wasting, Tinder and Spotify, have come together as one (sorry), in a progam that is sadly not called Sinder. 

Missed opportunities there.

Anyway, the whole flava of the pickle be this, G: you can now attach a banger to the front of your profile, in order to better suit your match to those musical whims of yours. Or, as otherwise noted in this headline:

“Boning?” Who even says that? It’s “fucking.”

Anyway, having neither app, but having used them casually, I’d be all for this merger if I was single. Or the type. Or whatever. Just think of it: you meet eyes with the electric blue of another, as that same song plays, loud enough to perforate the collective ear drum of the world. You stride closer, pluck up the last reserves of your evaporating confidence, mutter a stunted greeting, to which they return … “WHAT?”

Young love.




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