TBS Newsbot

I Saw the News Today: Musk Goes to Mars, Growth Lowest since GFO, Prez Debate Hangover

Elon Musk is sending us all to Mars, which is great because our growth is the lowest it’s been since the GFO, and the Prez debate continues to make no sense.


Elon Musk Plans Life on Mars for Everyone, May Plan Karaoke Hit En Route

Elon Musk, the man who looks to boldly privatize what has never been privatized before, has once again struck again. Straddling the stage at the International Astronautical Congress, Musk announced his latest cosmic plot: he will be building a city on Mars. Musk will also be reducing the cost of traveling to Mars to a mere $200,000 a pop.

The main lesson to be gleaned from Musk is that, if we are to evolve, we should endeavor to become a “multiplanetary species.” It seems like a very different step for we humans, but as this meme indicates, perhaps not, and we’ll be able to adapt on the Red Planet.

Musk, however, added a caveat, believing that a significant amount of time will be needed to build a sustainable colony on Mars after the first fleet(!) lands. How long?

Start saving those pennies! I know I will! Hurry up, Elon, I’m dying over here!


WTO Reduces Growth Forecast to 1.7%, Nervous Economics Impersonate Piglet

According to the impressively monikered Director-General of the World Trade Organisation, Roberto Azevêdo (which is fun to type), we’re currently over a barrel, being worked over from behind by a “growing anti-globalization sentiment”—his words. The figure of 1.7% marks the slowest growth since that GFC, and everyone remembers how fun that was. Hermano Azevêdo marked the reduction of growth to the failure of international trade treaties between powerhouse economies (primarily the EU/US bungle), and also that whole Brexit thing.

Not to point fingers, but over in Blighty, those geese that upset the fiduciary cook-ook-kie jar have now decided that they will honor the pre-Brexit agreements to the WTO, which has some people asking:


Blowback from First Prez Debate Continues, Both Win?

Time for some Dr. Phil truth bombs. We all witnessed the slow speed clusterboink that was the Presidential Debateon Monday, either through memes or the postmortem, or like our Australian counterpart Editor-in-Chief, actually sat through it. Speaking to him this morning, he mentioned that from a place of “pure objectivity” he knew that Hillary had won, as Trump had collapsed into wobbling rhetoric. However, after sifting through the social media backlash, it seems that Trump has been awarded the laurels of victory.

And we think we know why. You see, we can approach the debate from a logical, albeit slanted approach; we see the forest, and the trees. But (Dr. Phil voice here), what we think is completely wwwrrrooonnnnggg.

As it turns out, Trump played to his supporters (read: voters) and he, in the words of another TBS scribe “failed to put Trump back in his box.” It seems that not sending Trump back past the Gatekeeper, Gozer, has chalked up the win for Zuul (Trump).

All he does is win win win win win win win.





Related posts