Oh, Reddit. You magnificent, pointless beast. Why do you test me so? This week we chart the depths of hangry feels, and the representation of the female form, memed.
As the clock strikes twelve, so begins the hangry hour. A marvelous time where, out of sheer hunger, anything and everything will piss me off. Like carob, soy yogurt, and stupid vegans. I don’t want what y’all are preaching. No, when I’m really hungry, I want a man-sized meal. A juicy medium rare scotch fillet steak and a side of oh-so-crispy-yet-fluffy-on-the-inside chips. Finish that off with a shitload of gravy and you’ve got yourself a pub-style winner. Wow, I feel butch. You might say, “Why not just eat something, ya damn fool?” Well, I would, dear reader, but life isn’t always fair, and sometimes all that graces your fridge is half a bottle of vodka and that old mango you forgot was there. “Why not drive and get some tucker?” Probably not the most sensible move once that half a bottle of vodka has become an empty bottle of vodka.
Anyway, so hopefully by now you’ll understand my disposition when I came across these posts on Reddit just now.
Kids who want their crusts off. Surprise, ya little goose!
Dem feels …
Girls Be Like Origins
If I see one more “Girls be like ‘Insert sausage gif’ ” post I’m going to probably do nothing, besides this, because, lazy. But it really grinds my gears! I haven’t given it too much thought, but how I imagine the guys, girls, or Attack Helicopter’s posting that shit is like this.
A dude, lays in a darkly lit space, alone. The only light he has is from his laptop screen that’s playing GOT. He looks at the time, it’s 10:00 p.m. on a Friday night. He checks his phones, no messages. He looks back at his computer. Maybe I’ll message Lucy. “Hey Lucy, it’s been awhile, want to come over tomorrow?” He stares at his phone waiting … waiting … waiting … waiting.
“Drew, it’s time for bed!”
“Fuck, Mum. I’m busy!”
Drew, annoyed at his mum climbs out of his pillow fort that he made in the family room after din dins. “Sup, pipsqueak?” his sister Beth asks.
Drew looks at her clearly upset. “Lucy hasn’t replied to my text!”
“When did you message her?”
“Five minutes ago! I hate girls!”
“You’re ten, what do you have to hate girls about?”
“That they screw you over and leave you to drown!”
Drew runs to his bedroom in haste. It’s at this moment he seeks revenge on every living girl that’s ever existed, and creates the “Girls be like” meme, uttering, “They will all feel my wrath, damn bitches.”
Yeah, that was pretty dark, I hear you. But like I said, I’m hangry, so deal with it, yo!
But let’s look at some of the most popular “Girls be like” memes.
And finally. Let us make the U.S. president-elect a smidge less brutal.
Who’s a braggadocious boy? You! Yes you are! You are so braggadocious.