Mark Thompson

Trump’s Inauguration: An Earnestly Positive Recap

As Eric Idle espoused, “Always look on the bright side of death.” So with that in mind, here’s what happened at Donald Trump’s inauguration.


Trigger warning: I apologize to any vapid Millennials that I may offend with my godawful pastiche of your language and mannerisms, but your earnest and meaningful empathy—nay, desire to sup by only the most sweetest of fruits in life—was the only way this clusterboink could be covered without dipping to overt cynicism.


Hello! Well, what a rad inauguration it was. If you’ve been unfortunate enough to still be in bed or silly enough to have avoided the whole thing altogether, well, you’ve missed a real corker, boy howdy!

But, as the children say, “We’re not even mildly put out, friend,” for we have the goods and of course we’re willing to share.

The new President of the United States, Donald Trump, gave a rousing introductory speech where he decided to reference his favorite movie, because movies are great and we all love movies. (Yay, movies!)

Elsewhere, people lined the streets to see if they could catch a glimpse or the wave of a hand by the new Prez they voted for:

Sadly, though, a lot of people were cold, because it is winter, so an endeavoring bunch decided to turn it into a campfire singalong.

Unfortunately, the campfire was so popular that people missed out seeing Trump. Oh no! Woman casually raising her hand to the horizontal emoji. Raised hands emoji. 100 emoji.

However, the final word goes to everyone’s favorite first lady, Michelle Obama, who trended on Twitter (because of course) with her feels on the great possibilities of the new day.



Mark Thompson

Mark Thompson lives in regional NSW working by day in an accounting firm, and by night lives and breathes being a food and wine snob. He hopes to one day be a food critic or at the very least, meet Maggie Beer.

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