Rick Krizman

Survey: Find out Your Republican BFF

Inspired by the Trump Make America Great Again Committee’s Mainstream Media Accountability Survey, Rick Krizman created his own survey for determining who your Republican BFF is.


Answer these 14 easy questions to test your political acumen and find out who your Republican BFF is.


1. When you hear the lyric, “Trumpence, trumpence, trumpence a bag,” what happy image comes to mind?

a)  Hillary Clinton cleaning my chimney.

b)  Ben Carson poisoning pigeons in the park.

c)  Fake Cockney accents in the House of Commons.


2. If one and a half chickens lays one and a half eggs in one and a half days, how many pancakes does it take to shingle a dog house?

a)  More than we can afford.

b)  As many as we need.

c)  Ask Betsy DeVos.


3. What did you think when the fakestream media falsely reported that Sean Hannity arm-wrestled Rachel Maddow and lost?

a)  We need to increase the arms budget.

b)  If fake news reports falsely, does that mean it’s true?

c)  Is Maddow a Jewish name?


4. What comes to mind when the fakestream media refers to Kellyanne Conway as the “Blonde Grimace”?

a)  At least she’s not Mexican.

b)  Carpets and drapes.

c)  Who?


5. Which state do you think has the most illegal Mexican immigrants?

a)  Arizona

b)  Hawaii

c)  New Mexico, duh


6. Illegal immigrants from Guatemala should be exported to …

a)  Mexico.

b)  China, in exchange for tiny-fingered iPhone assemblers.

c)  Guantanamera Bay.


7. You support waterboarding because it is …

a)  an Olympic sport.

b)  the act of wading out to a waiting boat.

c)  a good way to end a political argument.


8. In your opinion, what is the name of Donald Trump’s youngest daughter?

a)  Opulence

b)  Ostentatia

c)  Ivanka


9. If all the Chinese on the Chinese side of the world jumped up and down at the same time it would …

a)  intentionally and unfairly devalue the yuan.

b)  cause islands to pop up in the South China Sea.

c)  move America closer to the sun.


10. If you dug a hole from America all the way through the earth, it would emerge in …

a)  the Missouri River.

b)  Trump Tower.

c)  El Chapo’s jail cell.


11. In your opinion, who is the president of China?

a)  She is.

b)  Hu was the president of China.

c)  Wen?


12. What are you most likely to believe, that Saudi Arabia is …

a)  a movie starring Peter O’Toole.

b)  the first female reporter for Breitbart.

c)  the fifty-first state.


13. When you hear the slogan “Make America Great Again” you think of …

a)  Tony the Tiger.

b)  Jay Gatsby.

c)  a large white man in a red cap.


14. How smart are you?

a)  Smarter than a liberal.

b)  Tied with a post.

c)  Dumb enough to take this quiz.


Thank you for your answers!!!  Now click on the link below to find out your score and meet your new Republican BFF.



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Rick Krizman

Rick Krizman writes music, songs, and stories, and holds an MFA in Writing from Pacific University. His fiction has appeared in The Wising Up Press, Sediment, Flash Fiction Magazine, and Star 82 Review. He is the father of two grown daughters and lives with his wife and animals in Santa Monica, California.

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