TBS Newsbot

Creator of Facebook Thumb Washes Hands of Responsibility, Deletes App

The creator of the Facebook thumb sensationally walked away from his creation, citing grave moral concerns. Which is all well and good for him, but what about us?


“Now I have become death, the destroyer of worlds,” words uttered one dark New Mexico morning in 1945, upon witnessing the horrible sight of the first successful nuclear bomb test, which became the go-to phrase for anyone who desperately wants to put the genie back in the bottle.

However, there’s something that affects us more as a species than nuclear fallout (but no less toxic), and that’s Facebook. Dibs on that being a doctorate topic. However, it seems that those in orthopedic shoes, chairs, and lives are not immune to a spot of creator guilt, as news came to light recently, as the creator of the “Like” button (and in turn, all worth we hold true ourselves), decided to delete the app from his phone, citing worry that the unreality of Facebook is now real.

The man who donated his own thumb to the cause, Justin Rosenstein, in conversation with The Guardian, stated, “It is very common for humans to develop things with the best of intentions and for them to have unintended, negative consequences…everyone is distracted all of the time.”

First, let me apologize, because I missed what you said, Justin. Second, that’s all well and good. Well done on your moment of clarity, but what about the rest of us? What about those you’ve left crushed and hopeless under the pixelated thumb of acceptance? Those needlessly hooked on the opiate of shallow acceptance? What about us, Just?

And look, I get it. Social media is bad. I wouldn’t want to raise a daughter in the age of Instagram, nor would I a son in the world of Twitter, and the more all of us donate more time to it, the more likely that it will kill us. Everyone gets that, but it’s far too late to stop, and all the retracted thumbs in the world won’t cause us to reverse course. If Facebook fell into the sea, we’d just shift our attention to the next digital Jerusalem. We already crossed the desert once, making the journey from Myspace to Facebook.

You can’t let your people go, because it’s too late, the bomb has razed the landscape. We’re all now about survival, solely focused on the next hit of dopamine.

You know what? We don’t need your neg vibes around here, man. We’re just trying to have a good time.




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