So, Tom Brady lost the Super Bowl. Luckily, the internet has figured out why: He’s actually Melania Trump. Huge, if true.
As a long-dead man once said of defeat, no one is willing to give it a lift home. Mere hours after the most American Hero since that dude with the mustache (brother!) succumbed to the most un-American thing imaginable (losing the Super Bowl), the internet kicked into high gear to speculate the precise reason why Tom Brady failed to win.
The theory is moronically simple. Tom Brady lost because it wasn’t him. Or it was him, but he’s actually Melania Trump.
the fake melania was in fact tom brady in a wig: a conspiracy theory pic.twitter.com/uckyQXD8PW
— KT NELSON (@KrangTNelson) February 4, 2018
I mean, once you see it, it’s obvious. As are the breadcrumbed evidential tidbits scattered around Tom/Melania’s life.
For instance, check out the telltale red cap on display in his her locker.
When you remember the MAGA hat in his locker it all fits pic.twitter.com/oluhkbTnwL
— lil Giant Robot (@lilGiantRobot) February 4, 2018
More to that point, have we ever seen them both in the same room at the same time? Hmm. Curious and more curious.
If this theory is to be believed (which I wouldn’t see any reason why it wouldn’t), it would mean that he’s always been Melania Trump, which means that he won all those other Super Bowels [sic] as Melania. Which means Melania has five rings. She’s a real pro. I mean a Super Bowl victory for Melania Brady is easy peasy, akin to brushing one’s teeth or rolling her eyes behind sunglasses at Donald. That would mean that something adverse in Tom/Melania’s life happened in the build up to wobble her performance on the big day.
Melania moves out of white house.
Who could blame her?https://t.co/cIxy83x15a
— sandi smith (@sandismithusa) January 28, 2018
Now, the insanity of this plot has its genesis in the rather peculiar press conference where the internet was convinced that Melania was not Melania, which, in applying the above logic, would mean that she’s actually Tom Brady in that clip.
It checks out pic.twitter.com/a7MWWCaASI
— x-EA Buffalo Man (@MisterMeatyMan) February 4, 2018
We’re through the looking glass here, people.