Sue Backshall

Speaking as a Mother, Mothers Need to Get Over Themselves

After one mother spoke of her entitlement in meme form, the internet bit back. As a mom, I can confidently say that she deserves the criticism.


Over on the internet, one memed mother is being dragged/supported for her comments regarding the entitlement of herself. Even if the below meme is a joke, it illustrates a rather common mode of thinking.



Now, speaking as a mother, I can absolutely confirm that mothers can be mothers. 

We give our careers, our bodies, and ourselves to create life, but we’re also drawing attention to it. You’ve achieved a great thing, sure. But childbirth can act as a kind of Lourdes to pre-existing personal shortcomings. Step into the broken waters and Zang! Terrible people become great, it doesn’t matter. You’re responsible for life, so you can afford to be irresponsible with the social rules that no longer apply. You’re a mom now. Have a kid and then talk to me about being tired. This will seem obvious to those who have an ear for the cues of society’s small crimes, but it is true, only if you’re in it, do you notice it.

I am a mom, after all.

Now, being a mother is hard. It is. The world is hard, things are hard, hard is hard. Carrying strollers off buses, off trains onto wherever with your hellspawn cawing for everything is a trial. I’ve repeated the journey three times. It’s a slog, yes. But like Sisyphus in activewear and a streak of vomit down his back, great value is taken from this torture.

We’ve all seen it.

Those who stand there, refusing the offers of a seat on public transport, while shooting daggers at those who remain seated. Those who purchase strollers so large that they double as an obstacle. Those who loudly invade foreign lunchtimes with complaints of the seating arrangements, those who quietly force others to change tables with them, miming thank you with their mouths, but the warmth not reaching their eyes. It’s never their fault, it’s the world for not noticing their problems.

The world does, of course, but it’s never enough, nor will it ever be.

As we’re solely here to procreate and populate, the pecking order is established. You can’t criticize mothers, as they’re mothers. Raise a valid point in public, and you’re the problem. But I can. I might be kicked out of the mom club, but I don’t care, I’ve always loathed the small-minded entitlement that goes with it.

Let me be straight: Yes, you’ve had kids. Yes, we see them. No, we don’t care, nor should we bend our days to accommodate your choices. Choose not to recognize your entitle-mom-t, call me out of touch, call it whatever you want, but you’re supposed to be setting an example.


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