TBS Newsbot

Ellen’s Revolution Against Brunei Is One for the People (Who Can Afford It)

Ellen asking us to boycott hotels we cannot possibly afford is internet slacktivism in its purest form. We’re able to make a stand without doing anything. Vive la révolution!


Let me start this with a preamble. The Sultan of Brunei’s archaic laws against homosexuality, abortion, and infidelity can note this extended middle finger before returning to the century it was birthed in. Clearly, the Sultan has provoked a response, with the maven of daytime television leading the complaint, clearly stating that the landmarks of Hollywood will certainly not stand for such a thing.



Frankly, I don’t blame her, the laws of Brunei are a literal front to her as a person. However, I have done some Googling, and I believe there’s something meaningful about her crusade. I mean, we can ignore her plug of the UAE, a place where homosexuality is illegal, but we’re not here to talk about that.



The internet loves a crusade one can wage from the comfort of their lives. If it doesn’t impact anything personally, yes, I will sign that petition. We supported our cousins in France and Lebanon, not with donations or our time, but with a respectful painting of our profile pictures. While we Je Suis Charlie, or rainbow our frame, we can forcibly force change without changing anything. In that frame of mind, Ellen’s hotel revolution is for everyone. It’s a war waged on our behalf, as the hotels on Ellen’s shit list are far beyond what people with bills to worry can ever possibly afford. It’s a reverse Antoinette. Let them eat cake … in the lobby. An average room at the Hôtel Plaza Athénée Paris will set you back a modest $1,700. The most affordable room we can make a stand in is Milan’s Hotel Principe Di Savoia, which will set you back $500 per night. Vive la révolution, indeed. It’s akin to those in tiny pool towers to destroy the Bastille because their jacuzzi is too jetty.

With George Clooney now on board, Hollywood is clearly attempting to hit the Sultan where it hurts – right in the breast pocket of those who work the VIP sections of his hotel empire. According to the internet, the Sultan of Brunei is worth $20 billion. Clearly, a couple of thousand represents a drop in a particularly cavernous bucket. Clearly, he has the bank to ride this out. Gazing exclusively through the prism of Ellen’s revolution, we’ve all been fighting this war all our lives. I’ve never once stayed in The Beverly Hills Hotel, and never shall I. I’m on a lifetime boycott.

Hollywood is a powerful entity. They have the power to pique our interest. After all, television gave America our President (twice). The true leaders of this nation have learned their empathy through the vicissitudes of working in a fictional hospital. While it is hard to imagine that this diamond dog whistle will be heard beyond the poolside masonry of Rodeo Drive, perhaps they should do what we’re unwilling to, stand up and make an actual difference.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to boycott a Rolls Royce dealership.