The Science Post

Measles Overjoyed That So Many People Are Giving It a Second Chance

The measles has taken to the internet, earnestly thanking the anti-vaccination crowd for giving it a second chance.


Measles released a statement today praising the stupidity of humankind for giving them a second chance at infecting thousands.

“For a long time we really thought we were done for, especially in North America,” said Measles. “All the love we have been getting recently is truly overwhelming.”

Measles specifically pointed out science-illiterate anti-vaccers for being the biggest driver for its recent success:

“If it wasn’t for the anti-vaccine, pro-disease crowd not caring if children get sick, I don’t think any of this would be possible,” said Measles. “It’s all quite shocking to be honest. It’s really great to be able to be in the news again after being basically eradicated.”

There have been nearly 600 reported cases in the U.S. alone this year and over 90 in a single week.

“I really think with enough anti-vaccine rhetoric floating around on social media we can get to a thousand cases by the spring. Fingers crossed!” laughed measles.

Vaccinate your fucking kids.


This article was first published on The Science Post and is reprinted with permission.


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