John Michael

Life Is a Sweet, Tender Bruise XXXII: God Is Just Right There

(Photo by John Michael)

John Michael continues his series Life Is a Sweet, Tender Bruise, reflecting on life and people encountered, contemplating God, and the intentions of those in power.

 

Within the first several months on the streets, I had a miracle.

I started out fat from living in my car for a year and ended up skinny for a minute as I was avoiding dumpsters at the time. At any rate, I leaned back against a telephone pole on a tiny island in the Florida Keys and almost subconsciously said, “Comfort me.”

Well, to my surprise, I instantly felt some comforting energy move into my heart pushing out the fear and anxiety. Unfortunately, my mind could not accept it for a couple of reasons. One, I couldn’t comprehend that it could happen that easily, we have to work hard for good things. Two, I couldn’t believe I deserved that kind of love. Took me seven years to entertain the idea that maybe I did, and another ten to fully embrace it.

I tell that story so you know, even in your deepest panic, fear, anxiety, and desperation, God is just right there ready to comfort you, if you but allow and know you deserve.

A couple of thoughts on coronavirus.

I got over obsessing about the truth of it today and, through the whole process, my fear of losing friends simply for expressing my mind has dwindled as well. And not “fuck you if you don’t like me,” but instead “I love you whether you like me or not.”

 

Even in your deepest panic, fear, anxiety, and desperation, God is just right there ready to comfort you, if you but allow and know you deserve.

 

I’ve been a little paranoid of big government and deep state since watching 9/11 documentaries ten years ago, but that fear is evaporating as well. You can kill me, but you can’t kill the truth which is a key aspect of love; and you can’t kill love, in fact you can’t even touch it with your bad intentions. So, you know, bring it on. I will only come back stronger if you strike me down as Obi Wan reminded Darth Vader just before Darth struck him down.

The most brilliant rainbow I have ever seen was tonight with lightning flashing through it. God with us, always.

If a deep state exists, as I believe, and dictators and power brokers of every stripe have a goal, it is your dependency. I think Trump could have called bullshit in the beginning, and maybe he did when he said the churches would be filled by Easter. And not that I trust him either, but I applauded when he ordered the meat industry to keep at it. Otherwise they might be, “Oh, you want some food? Have you had your vaccine?”

“Don’t gather because you can comfort each other, we like you isolated and fearful. And, besides, we can’t monitor you when you ain’t on the phone or computer. Big boxes, yes, open, but small independent businesses? Forget about it.”

They hate the word independent because you won’t be dependent on them.

I’m optimistic, though, because most people are waking up to the fact that the numbers they were pushing to scare us in the beginning are turning out to be not even close to true. So, maybe this election we can give some of these pompous dictatorial governors the boot.

But one question we have to ask ourselves seriously as a free people of these lovely United States is this: If the numbers turned out to be as they predicted in the first place, with hundreds of thousands, even millions of deaths, would we or would we not surrender our basic freedoms to Big Brother, just so we could feel safe?

I hope not. But this time around, the question has me wondering.

Hobo John here, I love you with everything that I have.

 

 

John Michael

Hello, good people. I am rarely sure how to describe myself. If I say I am a Christian, many things may arise in your mind that ain't necessarily so. I was homeless for seven years and learned more about myself in that stretch of time than in any other segment of my life. I read the Bible a lot out there and came across a passage in Proverbs that has shaped my approach to life: "A man's pursuit is his kindness." I am well educated with a Master of Social Work degree and have worked a wide variety of jobs in my 52 years. None have lasted too long however. When I was homeless, the beauty of Texas wildflowers made me decide to want to live again. Along with kindness, beauty, play, and self-expression are life-guiding ideas. My shadow contains things like feeling sorry for myself, a truckload of defiance, a desperate need to please women, and no small amount of cruelty. A quote from Luke also has had a lasting effect on me: "For God is kind to the ungrateful and the evil." When I read that I thought, "Hell, I have got a fighting chance." I am here to tell you, you have a fighting chance as well. Besides Christianity, practicing Buddhist and Shamanic techniques inform my relationship to God and the world.

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