Linda Rand

Pandemic Diaries: Thin Places

"Clairvoyance" [detail] by Linda Rand

In Linda Rand’s next Pandemic Diaries column “Thin Places,” she explores the timelines and worlds we navigate, as one being and also as many beings.

 

I can hear my toddler at the dining table eating her snack and I’m lying on the bed, succumbing to a delicious drowsiness. I know there’s no way I’ll be able to sleep, but while I’m being forgotten by the little being, I get to close my eyes and feel myself drifting, the scent of my shampoo wafting around my head.

I slip through the thin space between sleep and wakefulness. Every time I’m called it’s almost painful as I jerk up through the layers of consciousness, but she is relatively content between her inquisitive chirps that keep tabs on me. I get to dissolve again and again.

I’m having thoughts but they disperse, and then it’s like I’m in a different time, morning light in the room, instead of late at night, and I’m with the person I was last with, smooth muscled body near mine, a quick laugh as we roll around, a tongue briefly sliding on my neck. The wishful thinking of quarantine.

Recently I had a multiverse experience having my Akashic Records read by a friend:

“When considering the wide breadth of the soul’s experience, we can say that Linda has had many incarnations, into all different forms of bodies, across the galaxy and beyond, to places she would never be able to even imagine. Her soul is widely experienced in this way.”

 “Because of the way that the soul energy is able to split into multiple timelines, multiple bodies, multiple experiences, while it gathers and grows across time and space and simultaneously exists in the NOW, it is difficult to place a number on the incarnations, but we will try.”

I was three when I first felt the veil permeable. I had a dream that I was in the green Pinto we once owned, and it was night. I was alone and had shifted the brake somehow. The car was rolling backwards down a slight hill. The feeling lingered with me the next day. I was on an errand with my mom and she left me in the car for a moment, running into the store. When she came back, I remember wondering if I would be able to tell if she was a different person, one that looked like my mom but wasn’t. I remember wondering how much we could know about each other truly, and how much was just surface appearances. I wondered how much permutation is happening right behind the veil, things we are so close to, that if we are sensitive enough, we can feel. But I understood we’d mostly be too busy and smitten with the superficial things, and that was a simplifying comfort.

“The current life is but one drop in an ocean of experience and, as such, we are not currently able to express in earth numbers what number of incarnations this soul has had. Vast amounts of experience and growing, in linear time and no time at all, have been had by her soul.”

 “She is currently incarnated into multiple bodies on the face of planet Earth. Her experience as a soul has created the opportunity to gather more information at ‘once’ in linear time (though time does not exist but all happens in the now) and to create a higher frequency and speed of gathering experience.”

I remember doing PCP for the first time. I didn’t know what it was. It was called wack: Kool cigarettes dipped in a liquid in a tiny brown bottle. She said it was “embalming fluid” which suited my 15-year-old death-rock self just fine. We sat behind a high cement wall hidden from the passing cars. A comfortable day, near enough to the beach to feel the breeze. I ran the flame up and down the cigarette to dry it, then took a drag, brushing my magenta bangs out of the way. I took it deep into my lungs and then a feeling like a horde of insects rose up, as if they were always there at the periphery of existence, pressing in close, the sound of their raspy legs like giant crickets, pressing in from the sides, the sky becoming darker and darker until everything was black. It was so familiar. It felt so familiar. I wondered if death would be like that.

“She wants to get her (soul) work done quickly and efficiently and is able to handle the soul energy existing in various geographical places at once easily and with no harm brought to any of these incarnations. The feeling is that your soul understands how to grow and evolve very quickly, by taking on a lot at once.”

The first time I was kissed by a girl was in the desert. I was 17 and had known her for two years. The stars were so bright and furious above us and I told her I had a crush on her. She said, “Come here,” and took me around to the side of the house and she kissed me as I heard the voices of others nearby. She was too rough, but it was invigorating. I couldn’t believe that confessing something could be so fruitful.

“It is not for her to know at this time the identity of the others, as it would not serve her highest good. They are spread apart geographically because the light of her soul is needed at this time on planet earth. Linda is carrying the experience of all of these kinds of beings (animals, plants, and humans). However, we were referring to human incarnations when discussing the multiple incarnations on planet earth.”

When I was in my early 20s, I visited a friend in the San Dia mountains in New Mexico. He took me, along with a couple of others, up a narrow craggy mountain trail in the middle of the night. It was steep and I fell, scraping open my leg pretty badly. But we pressed on. We got to the mineral pool, took off our clothes, and got in the water. It was dark enough that we sort of just looked glowy. The stars above were roiling, like another dimension. The rocks were slimy and the water was bubbling and hot. There were two other guys we didn’t know, but whenever they were too forward my friend rebuffed them, and I liked that. I didn’t have to talk to them and could just look at the sky. I had never seen the Milky Way so clearly before, and it moved! But as the hours went by, the sky began to lighten, and no one would budge.

I was kind of hoping for an opportunity to quickly slip out and get my clothes on. No one moved, it felt like a standoff, and it was getting too hot and more and more like daytime, and finally I had to get out. I prayed they’d talk with each other or somehow allow me to have a moment, but as I pulled myself out of the slippery pool, every single one of them watched me, and I felt a hot flash of hatred towards all of them. But when I finished standing, I saw my leg was perfectly healed from the mineral water, as if the fall hadn’t happened.

“We would like for Linda to understand herself as being this vast, cosmic nature. Her identity is far greater than the one being (herself) she is experiencing consciously. As she contemplates this vastness, she will need to remain grounded so that she does not fly too far into space, which she understands how to do, by placing her feet on the earth, and enjoying the beauty of the natural world.”

-Akashic Records closed-

 

“Clairvoyance” by Linda Rand

 

Linda Rand

Linda Rand is an Art Witch and Wolf Mama living in Portland, Oregon. She has been published in Entropy, Nailed Magazine, Unchaste Anthology Volume I, as well as anthologies Places Like Home, City of Weird, and The People’s Apocalypse, with non-fiction journal excerpts in Fuck Happiness: How Women Are Ditching the Cult of Positivity and Choosing Radical Joy by Ariel Gore. Her artwork has been included in PDX Magazine and the book Oneira: I Dream the Self. Follow on Instagram: @lindapaintsandwrites

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