While it’s easy to dismiss QAnon’s brand of nonsense, they have influence in Washington—Donald Trump is merely the tip of the iceberg.
On December 4th, 2016, twenty-eight-year-old Edgar Welch burst into a Pizzeria in North West Washington D.C. demanding to be taken to the basement where they, “keep the kids.” He’s armed with a semi-automatic and fires a shot off into the ceiling. The slack-jawed staff, powdered with pizza dough, stood stunned in their aprons. Their last thoughts on this earth could be, “WTF! Comet Ping Pong Pizza has no basement, let alone kids huddled in it.”
No kids? No basement? No matter. This incident is a foundational event in the life of America’s fastest-growing conspiracy cult: QAnon. This amorphous group believes that there is a cabal of left-wing Satanists out to bring down the current U.S. government. This demonic cabal supposedly operates a massive kidnapping, pedophilia, and kiddie porn ring, spear-headed by Hillary Clinton. Comet Ping Pong is just one of their secret, toddler-holding cells. Okay, a primer:
QAnon gets its name from an anonymous, supposed government insider named “Q” who, over the conspiratorial petri dish of the Internet, posts what are known as “Q Drops,” cryptic messages informing on this Deep State clique of Democrats, Hollywood elites, and radical left-wing moles all bent on taking out the president and establishing a satanic power here in the United States.
And, the kids? They’re kidnapped, held captive, and eventually sold into sexual slavery. In some cases, they’re even killed for their adrenal glands. Seems adrenal nectar is a fountain-of-youth life-extender, if you know how to mix the drink. This is, nothing new. The horrific use of children has been part of conspiracy thinking since the Middle Ages. Remember the Nazi claim that Jews were drinking the blood of Aryan children?
Q+ is their messiah, Donald Trump. He’s supposedly always flashing coded messages to his followers. The index finger to thumb, “OK” sign he makes with his right hand while gesturing is a signal of QAnon support. The yellow tie he wore during a COVID-19 press briefing was the color of the maritime flag for “All Clear.” It informed the faithful that the virus was either a) a hoax or b) successfully quashed.
Twelve Republicans running for the US Congress are open supporters of QAnon and two of them appear a lock to win. Michael Flynn, Trump’s first National Security Adviser and the man guilty of lying about his contacts with Russian operatives, has publicly sworn a loyalty oath to QAnon.
Trump’s odd, seemingly nonsensical pronouncement that he is “the calm before the storm” is a reference to the coming apocalypse. The storm will see the demons routed, the media subdued, the jails stocked with the above mentioned, demonic, left-wing elites and the kiddies sprung from their pornographic prisons. In this storm’s wake will come a new, beatific world.
Pass the joint. Deep inhale. Eyes squint and water. Hilarious, right?
Well, before laughing, try this: The largest QAnon site on YouTube sports 33 million subscribers. A number of major corporations advertise on it. Q+ himself in a recent town hall, when asked about the movement, said, “I know nothing about QAnon but that they like me, they like me a lot and they’re very strongly against pedophilia. That’s a good thing.”
The Quniverse exploded with elation; they had been validated and waved to on national TV: “Trump is going to win this thing in a landslide. If he doesn’t, there’s been massive fraud and we will act.” At the very least, there’s a mutual back-scratching type deal going on.
Twelve Republicans running for the US Congress are open supporters of QAnon and two of them appear a lock to win. Michael Flynn, Trump’s first National Security Adviser and the man guilty of lying about his contacts with Russian operatives, has publicly sworn a loyalty oath to QAnon. The group is being winked at by Trump himself and, according to the FBI, this paranoid gang is getting more and more organized and more and more armed and dangerous.
In the final, diseased crawl to the vote on November 3rd, paranoia has firmly replaced religion as the organizing principle of American politics. It used to be The Rapture, the immediate ascension to Heaven for the righteous. George W. Bush Republicans subscribed to that Christian fantasy, and some still do, for example, the current Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo.
But here in 2020, it has morphed and taken a sinister turn. Jesus, his angels and the Rapture have given way to kiddie-porn-crazed lizards from Brooklyn.
Ah yes, the lizards, now we come to them. In some of the recesses of the QAnon basement is a “theory” that their Deep State enemies are really alien lizards camouflaged in skin sacks to look human. They also, it seems, love their kiddie adrenal gland protein shakes.
As the future Vice President of the United States would say, “You can’t make this shit up.”
Well, they have made this shit up.