Dhananjay Kumar Singh

What Should Everyone Know About Extramarital Affairs?

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Psychologists say about extramarital affairs that either spouse may look outside the marriage not only for sex but also for emotional support.


These days, “instant” has not only become accepted as the societal norm, it is also a social norm too. While this might seem surprising to some, it is the truth. Instant messages, instant coffee, instant soup, instant pizza delivery … and the list goes on. Even in personal relationships, each can have its own distinctive flavor. It follows the same track: instant liking, instant love, instant marriage. With the storm of instant, so many interactions have been affected—from food to messages to relationships.

I believe extramarital affairs as the side effects of this “instant” trend, a relationship made in haste and not given adequate time to bloom. Maybe called “a relationship outside marriage,” but to me it is a breach of fidelity and wedding vows if either spouse seeks to fulfill physical or emotional needs with others. Like give-and-take relationships, it goes in which neither of them is the winner or loser. It’s more like a mutual hook-up.

Understanding, love, attachment, empathy is the basis of any relationship. There is hardly any space for deep understandings and true love if there is infidelity. They’re so short-lived and do not last long.

The internet and modern-day technology proved to be a great boon for those who choose to have affairs. Through smart gadgets, one can easily reach the bedroom virtually and possibly cause one to commit adultery. Dating and chatting sites have provided a big platform to many where one can easily open up to others, release stress, be moved to unfaithfulness even, including at long distances. Interestingly, these sites gradually bring two hearts closer and ignite them to commit adultery. Chatting begins with distraction from boredom, but with time it advances to love and extramarital affairs.


The internet and modern-day technology proved to be a great boon for those who choose to have affairs. Through smart gadgets, one can easily reach the bedroom virtually and possibly cause one to commit adultery.


Don’t think that this is a male-dominated activity. Economically independent, educated, and working-class mothers are also involved in large numbers. Men and women have different attitudes regarding love. Men want to have physical intimacy while women desire to have emotional. The present-day women don’t want to lead a monotonous life, like confining themselves to just having children and taking care of them. They choose to have extramarital affairs if they feel their husbands are incapable of fulfilling their emotional and physical expectations. In other words, they add a little thrill and excitement to their life through extramarital affairs.

Under the condition of anonymity, a woman shared with me, “My husband is not good-looking and doesn’t support me emotionally. Many a time, I tried to solve the differences between us, but to no purpose. He hardly cared about my feelings and emotions. At my workplace, a man, also my friend around 40 years of age, during the free time, would come to me and talk. Gradually, I fell in love with him, and on weekends we enjoy time together in any restaurant. He respects my emotions, and I enjoy every second when we stay together. It’s like a dream come true.”

Many similar stories in society reflect how the vacuum of physical and emotional dissatisfactions are being fulfilled.

What makes an individual get involved in such affairs needs to be understood. There are several reasons. Like staying at distant places by either of the spouses for a long time can ignite the flame. When a female feels ignored or desires emotional intimacy, this could lead to illicit love affairs. Boredom, insecurity, or sometimes a mental illness may be the cause. Sometimes, when a past love reappears in the virtual world, the extinguished fire of love once again flares up to open for extramarital affairs.

The reasons are many, but I think it’s like an addiction to alcohol. Many get pleasure and excitement by being involved in such activities.

Don’t you think, in the back of fulfilling emotional expectations, many are enjoying the fruits of extramarital affairs at the cost of loyalty? And many are getting involved just for the thrill and excitement. I think the words of Shanola Hampton summarize it best: “There is no justification for having an affair.”


Dhananjay Kumar Singh

Dhananjay Kumar Singh resides in India and is the author of the science fiction short story book The Chlorophyllic Human. He has a passion for writing and his work includes short stories and travelogues. He expresses his views through writing on subjects ranging from social issues to astronomy. He loves science and nature.

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One Comment;

  1. Sheri said:

    Affairs aren’t a result of seeking instant gratification although the greater availability of easy options can be a temptation difficult to resist. The problem though is as old as marriage itself and still has the same root causes. Two primary causes are needs not being met by one or both partners and selfishness (putting the wants and needs of self first). Social media and the instant gratification mentality are not the cause of the problem. They are merely aggravating factors.