Sean Davis debuts his new column: Dispatches From the Apocalypse. In “Behind Enemy Lines,” Davis writes a letter to the future to explain the chaos of these times.
“The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule it.”
—H. L. Mencken
Here I am. My name is Sean Davis, and the world ended a while ago but no one else seems to have noticed. I’m writing to you, with only a vague idea of who you are.
Maybe a miracle happens and the next generation is able to restart the world, but sadly almost half of our Nobel Prize winners in physics, chemistry, and medicine have been immigrants since 1901, and we’re not really hot on them anymore, and we don’t really give our Einstein Visas to Einsteins anymore. And as for the potential scientists born in the United States, we are currently actively fighting to keep our teachers and school children from protecting themselves against a deadly epidemic. Plus, who knows if school even exists anymore. My daughter spent last year with a laptop in her lap in the back of my truck in a FEMA internet hotspot because wildland fires knocked out our power and internet for six months.
So, maybe I’m writing this to future alien archeologists who just really want to know why in the hell a group of people given such a beautifully unique and resource-filled planet decided to kill their home with such enthusiasm. From your perspective, we have to seem like complete maniacs, and you may be right. But hey, we did invent music, love, and BLTs so we can’t be all bad, right? As to why we ended ourselves, I don’t know, and I’m one of the people who took part in the whole thing.
I’d say the world ended four years ago, but there is a strong case to say it ended in 2001. Maybe theologians could argue that it ended in the 1940s when we exterminated God’s chosen people. But that’s all beside the point because, as I said, no one else really seems to have noticed. There is a large population that believes it will soon end, so they are gearing up for a fight. Sadly, they have broken up into factions and have decided to fight each other instead of the numerous real threats.
Just recently, the United Nations put out a very detailed and alarming study of Climate Change, but since it was longer than 280 characters, not many people read it. Instead, they relied on their favorite news source to read it and tell them what is in it, the news sources they like because they reaffirm their conspiracies and opinions and, after reading the stories, they had their conspiracies and opinions reinforced. Regardless, the UN Secretary-General António Guterres called the report a “Code Red for the Human Race” and half of America is okay with that because it’s their favorite flavor of Mountain Dew. He also said, “If we combine forces now, we can avert climate catastrophe,” so the other half of America immediately called to refill their anti-depression meds because as long-haul trucker Vincent Davis, resident of Boring, Oregon, puts it, “That shit ain’t gonna happen.”
But hey, we also ended one of the longest and most expensive wars in our history. As someone who fought in one of these forever wars, I’m very glad it ended, but this is controversial as well. Luckily, our journalists have bravely stepped in and tried to explain the complicated issue to us by taking both sides. The Atlantic says “Biden was right” in one article and puts out another opinion-based article about “our mistakes” and yet another on how it was “our fault.” But that’s how “journalism” is today. They report extreme opinions and essays instead of fact-based articles because that’s all the modern person is interested in. If they just sold the facts, no one would click on their articles, and since the news we rely on is based on how much they can sell in advertisements, the poor news outlets had to change from being reporters and educators to entertainers.
At this point, I want to talk about some of the symptoms of the disease that actually ended the world. I’m talking about ignorance and conspiracies. This is what took us down.
At this point, I want to talk about some of the symptoms of the disease that actually ended the world. I’m talking about ignorance and conspiracies. This is what took us down. This combined with greed (like the click-based journalism above). We couldn’t pass universal healthcare in the United States during a global pandemic, and, when we tried, lobbyists for the pharmaceutical industry and the insurance companies wanting to keep their record profits made millions of people believe they know more than healthcare professionals and they did this using a few big tools: advertising and social media.
I know, from where you’re sitting it must be hard to fathom that Big Pharma was able to convince Joe and Jane Q. Public that they are better educated than our best and brightest citizens who spent years studying in medical universities and then years in careers in the medical profession, but because of high rotation commercials, magazine ads, skewed websites, and YouTube videos, not only do we ask our doctors for whatever medication is in the funniest commercials with the best pill mascot, we believe our doctors and nurses are outright lying to us about life-saving vaccines. Even though we and our parents benefited from very successful vaccination campaigns like polio and smallpox that would have decimated the world population, we are suddenly upset that a new vaccine would somehow curtail our freedom. And our leaders, instead of working together to ensure our survival, have politicized medicine. If you get a shot, somehow you are a liberal socialist. This shame has gotten so bad that people are going to their doctors in disguise to get vaccinated.
It’s bad enough that many believe that our medical professionals are lying to us in order to accomplish some governmental end game, but others believe the government is putting tracking devices in our bodies through the needles. In fact, a practicing attorney, former mayor of Irvine, California, and GOP lawmaker for Orange County, Don Wagner, asked their county’s healthcare agency supervisor, “In the vaccine, we heard about an injection of the tracking device. Is that being done anywhere in Orange County?”
I fought in Iraq and I’m here to tell you straight out and honestly, our government is nowhere near cohesive, smart, nor organized enough to come up with a sinister New World Order Plan, let alone secretly invent nanotechnology like a tracker that can be injected to execute that plan. Even if they could, there’s no way they have the logistics to log the data and then use that data somehow. They couldn’t even get us machine gun mounts for our weapons as we drove into a war zone for the first time at the start of the Iraq War. We didn’t have bulletproof “sappy” plates in our flak vests the whole time I was in Iraq, nor armored Humvees. Hell, even with Blue Force Trackers, GPS, Pluggers, Sluggers, and satellite imagery, we still got lost all the time, and sometimes nearly mortared, or started firefights with other units. The last patrol I was on, right before an ambush of insurgents critically injured me, they gave me a map drawn on PowerPoint to find bad guys. Yup, a few squiggly lines, a rectangle here, one there, and not one of us knew what the hell it was supposed to mean. But that point is moot since we all purposely and happily carry around trackers in the form of cell phones.
Look at the recent withdrawal from Afghanistan and you can see how badly our government can mess up a plan that’s been in the works for twenty years, with a serious look at it for at least the last three. For the sake of everything good and holy, this is the same government that thought it was a good idea for us to use wax bullets to zero our weapons in 120-degree heat a week before we hit the warzone. Yeah, wax bullets, 120-degree heat.
I’m going to keep sending these dispatches as long as I can until we are all gone. We have so much to talk about. I’d like someone, anyone, in the future to understand that so many of us saw this coming and tried. I also need to document all of this. I mean, still, to this day, even after breaking the hottest year, the hottest global surface temperature, the hottest sea temperature, the hottest month in history, and the fact that more than one billion sea creatures along the Vancouver coast this year were cooked to death during a record-breaking heatwave in the Pacific Northwest, people are still trying to reelect a global climate change denier as the President of the United States. In his first term, he took the P out of the EPA by loosening regulations on toxic air pollution, scrapped the clean power plan, pulled the United States out of the Paris Climate Agreement. I have to keep doing this even if it is out of morbid curiosity. And the pandemic, we are breaking records every day with a new variant that affects children, yet we “just can’t anymore,” so we’re open for business. In Dallas alone, there are no more pediatric ICU beds, and school starts in just a couple of days. I’ll let you know how that plays out. This is the Delta Variant and I have a feeling the GOP is going to make us learn the entire Greek alphabet before it’s all the way over. Also, we still have one more Forever War to end and it’s not even hurricane season yet. I’ll send the next dispatch in a couple of weeks.
Until then, this is Sean Davis signing off from behind enemy lines after the collapse of Human civilization.